i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
