Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
