I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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