Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
