how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
