he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
