Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
