Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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