we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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