First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
