looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
