I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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