ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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