Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
