Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
