He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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