im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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