Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
