I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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