honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
