Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
