My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize