meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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