I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
