Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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