the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
sex in a hospital.. check
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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