he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
