Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
