Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
