also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
