AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
