is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drunk is a universal language darling
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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