Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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