Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
