I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Say something about gay babies.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
