I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
