Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize