I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
