Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
