Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize