Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
