alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize