White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
