It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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