I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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