They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
