U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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