I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
