I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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