So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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