Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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