i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
