when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
