and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
