i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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