apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
