i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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