I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
two words...techno handjob
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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