I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
