the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
