Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
