i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
