If that was your dad, he is hot
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
