why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
