The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
