hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
