Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
