i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
