Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
