shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
