I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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