Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
