it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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