Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
