And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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