His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize