we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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