Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
