Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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