I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
