just tell him i said nine months
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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