No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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