So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Im part way to drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
