I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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