I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
