Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
