i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
